Over the last decade, social media use has become an essential characteristic of the modern world, particularly for younger generations. Each of us uses social media to different degrees, depending on our preferences, but many of us have a presence on at least one social media platform. This isn’t surprising, considering there are many positive aspects to using social media: it can help us rekindle old relationships, make new friends and find communities, connect with people around the world, and can even lead to tangible social change, such as with the #BlackLivesMatter and #MeToo political movements.

Regardless of all of its positives, though, there is also a negative side to social media, exemplified in social media addiction, comparing ourselves with others online, and engaging with social platforms that are emotionally draining rather than rejuvenating to use. Like many people my age, I have…

Have you ever had a song that you couldn’t get out of your head? Maybe you like the song, maybe you don’t. But the words and tune keep spilling across the dance floor your mind.

Or maybe it’s just a thought, no music. Thoughts like . . . “Maybe I’ll go to the Rec Center. No, my stomach is growling and I need some Panda Express  . . . my phone is too quiet. Why haven’t they texted me back? . . . I wonder what so and so is doing right now?”

All day long such thoughts come and go like cars passing on the freeway.

The problem is sometimes a car gets stuck in a roundabout, and the same thought keeps repeating over and over. Thoughts like, “If you eat that cookie, you’re worthless” . . . or “Don’t speak up, they will think you are stupid.” The sort of thoughts that get us into hot water…

I’m sure that each of us can each think of ways we avoid our emotions. I can identify several times this week alone when I’ve zoned out on my phone or put off a task I found daunting. Emotional avoidance is a very reasonable, human way of coping with painful emotions that are often linked in our minds to negative events that we’d prefer to forget. Moreover, emotional avoidance usually does give us some relief, at least in the short-term.

In the long-term, however, being unwilling to experience emotional discomfort constricts our lives, keeps us from solving our problems and achieving our goals, and prevents us from seeing that we are able to tolerate the situations of which we are fearful. If I just keep avoiding my messy house, that mess isn’t going anywhere, and eventually I will restrict myself to the one or two rooms where I’m not reminded of it. Similarly, research supports the notion that the more we try not to experience…

Each of us has at least two ways that we react to situations, one is our rational, logical, reasonable way and the other is our emotional, intuitive, often illogical way.  You can think of this as the part of you that “knows” things and the part of you that “believes” things.  Now, for most situations in our lives, these two parts of us are aligned, so what we know is also what we believe.  In certain situations, however, these two parts of us diverge.

An easy example of this divergence is when I was a college student and had to give a class presentation. Public speaking was my worst nightmare.  Even though logically and reasonably I knew that nothing especially horrible would happen (at most I would get a bad grade), emotionally and intuitively I believed that standing up in front of the class was a danger worse than death.  I should also point out that when the thinking and…