Think about something uncomfortable or unpleasant that happened recently in your life. Something that you really didn’t enjoy that’s memorable. It may have been physically or emotionally uncomfortable, caused by your actions or the actions of another. It could be a frightening or traumatic event. Or it could just have been an inconvenience like a parking ticket.

Got one? Okay, now think about how you dealt with about that event.

Yes, you read that correctly. When unpleasant things occur in your life, how much mental and emotional energy do you expend struggling with their existence? Do you frequently wish those difficult events or feelings would go away? How much anger and criticism do you harbor for yourself or others because of their contributions to your current state? How much time do you spend lamenting that you’re feeling these things at all?

How often instead do you accept things the way they truly are—the good, bad, and the painful? (Hint: this is a key to feeling better.)

Radical Acceptance is the whole-hearted awareness and acceptance of life’s ups and downs as a normal part of the shared human experience. In other words, to feel hurt at times is human. The more we fight against this notion, against our inescapable susceptibility to be upset and feel pain, the greater our suffering. We can learn to accept pain, sadness, joy, grief, as pieces of the human experience mosaic with purpose and value. This acceptance can help relieve the anger, shame, resentment, and frustration that trap us in spirals of unhappiness.

Acceptance frees up the energy we would use fighting against reality so that we can take specific steps to actually feel better (e.g., learning coping tools, increasing self-care, utilizing therapy). Acceptance is active. It does not mean agreeing with the hard parts of life or distracting yourself from them. In fact, radical acceptance takes mindful awareness of your present experience, engagement with yourself and surroundings, and some courage to let go of old, unhelpful ways of thinking that increase suffering.

Try out radical acceptance today. When faced with a situation that is unpleasant, practice non-judgmental awareness of your experience and try accepting your reality instead of resisting it. With acceptance of what is, we can move towards what can be.  

Toni Forbes, Ph.D.
Staff Psychologist
Director of the Collegiate Recovery Center