When I left Austin and moved to Eugene over three months ago, as the excitement wore off, I started to feel sad and homesick. I have moved across country to the U.S. and lived in many states. You might think I should have got used to adjusting to a new place, but things don’t always get easier because of that. Even now, on a few occasions, I still get homesick, missing my family and friends. Homesickness is not only something young children get, but something that anyone can experience. It’s normal for people to experience some degree of impairment when they are away from home, and it’s a common part of transitioning to college.
What is Homesickness?
When I first moved to Eugene, I loved my job and my colleagues, but they were so new to me, and I felt lonely. I loved the beauty of Eugene, but I was still not sure if I could get used to the rain here. I felt welcomed by friendly people here, but it was hard for me to feel secure or protected with the people and environment that I did not know very well. In a sense, I became nostalgic and yearned for a sense of home.
Home is not restricted to a particular location, but more with feelings and memories. An atmosphere that is familiar and predictable makes us feel safe and grounded. When we are separated from people and things we are familiar with, we may feel distress.
Homesickness may make you think of sadness or anxiety. In fact, it can encompass a range of feelings, such as irritation, anger or disorientation. For some people, it could be a sense of grief for the lost connection with family, friends, and pets. Others may feel nostalgia, idealizing the past and longing for the “good old days.” Some may experience tremendous anxiety and depression. Social anxiety that was part of one’s past may resurface, and formerly outgoing people may feel isolated and alone.
How to Cope?
Learning how to cope with a new environment takes time to develop. Once you figure it out, that skill can provide you with practice and experience in coping with moves or transitions later in life. Here are some strategies that may help you cope with homesickness.
Be Patient — Getting used to your new environment and developing new friendships, takes time. Give yourself time to adjust. To expect yourself to stop missing home immediately may be unrealistic. Over time, however, feelings of homesickness usually decrease in intensity.
Stop Dwelling on the Past — Daily phone calls home can reinforce a person’s sense of dependence or isolation. Calling less frequently, once or twice a week, may actually help to reduce feelings of homesickness. Encourage your parents to write or email you on a regular basis; these can be saved and reread.
Establish New Connections — Try to develop new friendships and join new communities. Explore social groups on campus and in Eugene. Student clubs and organizations are the glue that holds the student community together. The Associated Students of UO sponsors more than 250 student groups you can enjoy. They range from the Argentine Tango Club to the Women’s Law Forum — check out a list of them. You can also explore events or activities in Eugene community. For example, there are many social groups based on interests and topics on meetup. It may take time to develop new connections with other people and groups, so remember to be patient with yourself.
Enjoy Your Time Alone — When you feel alone, it could also be an opportunity to get to know yourself better. There are plenty of activities that can help you develop your internal self, from writing, reading, exercising, or practicing mindfulness. You can consider learning a new skill (i.e., cooking, learning a foreign language, or playing a musical instrument). You may want to check out Ducknest, which offers various workshops and mindfulness classes. You can also learn to do things that you can enjoy alone, such as reading, going to a concert or art museum, exploring the many bike paths in Eugene, or hiking Spencer Butte.
Take care of yourself — Stick to healthy habits in other areas of your life to ensure your wellbeing, such as getting at least eight hours of sleep a night, exercising regularly, and eating right.
Watch Your Thoughts — Sometimes our thoughts are inaccurate and make our situation worse. Many students think that everybody else has friends and that they are the only ones who are alone. In fact, feelings of loneliness and isolation are very common on campus and in society at large. To develop more accurate and supportive self-talk, here are some things you can remind yourself of: Just because I am alone now does not mean I’ll always be alone. Feeling isolation and loneliness is an existential issue that we all deal with at times. Being alone doesn’t mean that something is wrong with me.
Remember, though you may feel lonely at times, you are not alone. There are many people and resources on campus able to help you enjoy your time here and reach your goals.
Warms regards,
Xiaoxia Song, PhD
Facilitator of Away From Home, But Not Alone Group
Senior Staff Psychologist