Body positivity can be hard because so much body negativity has to be sifted through first. Our culture inundates us with messages about which bodies count as beautiful, whole, perfect, and acceptable. And inherent in these messages is the flip side: that certain bodies are unacceptable, broken, flawed, and ugly. We simply don’t get a lot of messages telling us to love our bodies or that we are okay just the way we are.

How do we love ourselves in the face of the constant stream of consumerist and objectifying messages saying, “There’s something wrong with you?” We are told that we have a problem, and that it can be fixed if we direct enough energy, time, money and, yes, self-hate, towards changing something flawed about ourselves.

But what if we didn’t have to do this?

When I first heard about body positivity, I thought, "Yeah, I'd like to get into that!" But then I quickly realized that it's kind of like swimming upstream, having to go against the current of all the negative messages I receive daily about my body. But despite all that I thought I'd give it a try. Give my body positive energy, attention, and love just for being my body – the only body I have.

I subscribed to some body positive (#bopo) accounts on Instagram to increase the amount of encouragement and body love I was exposed to.

I challenged myself to only give myself compliments when I looked in the mirror — or if I didn’t have anything nice to say, to not look at all.

I tried to name things I liked about my physical self and to not refute compliments I received from others.

To be honest, at first I met a lot of resistance within myself. It felt like I was being fake, telling myself I was okay no matter what. It took a lot of energy to convince myself that photos of me actually were okay, and that I could wear whatever clothing I wanted without worrying about if it was flattering or acceptable in the eyes of others.

Believe me, this wasn’t easy. I needed to have a change of heart if I was going to get anywhere with this.

So instead of talking about my individual body parts, I encouraged myself to recognize that when I was talking about my body I was talking about my self. Practicing to remember that my body is not separate from who I am helped change my language.

It was no longer “my legs could be stronger” or “my hair needs to look different,” but rather “this stomach is actually just me. I am squishy and awkward and hard and soft and that’s okay.” Or “my arms are strong enough to do plenty of things for me and I am appreciative of them.”

That’s right, when I am talking about my body, I am talking about me.

Now whenever I find myself talking about an isolated body part I try to pause and instead say something about how that part is ok and makes me who I am.

My face, my stomach, my legs, my hair are all me. If I can practice being okay with what each part brings then I can practice being okay with who I am. I believe that all people have worth. And our worth is not dependent on how we look, our specific body parts, our age, abilities or level of health, or how we measure up to society's expectations.

Our bodies are the only universes over which we have complete dominion. What type of ruler should we be? Harsh and critical? Or benevolent and kind? I decided I wanted to be compassionate and loving towards myself. Whether it is the physical or non-physical parts of me, it does not matter. Being able to see myself in a more positive light means accepting each part as needed for the whole.

The challenge to become more body positive is an ongoing process. But taking this on helped me see the power I have to speak positively to myself and resist the urge to put myself down. I still find myself occasionally having negative thoughts about how I look. But I also find myself more able to catch these thoughts and redirect myself in a more positive direction. It takes practice, but I am finding it easier and easier to embrace my body and myself as inherently good and whole.

Courtney Payne, Ph.D.

Senior Staff Psychologist