If you’re a parent, you don’t need anyone to tell you how difficult that role can be. Additionally, the inherent difficulties of being a student are well known. Combined, the roles of being both a student and a parent can be extremely difficult to navigate. 

Your day begins bright and early and usually ends with you being exhausted, often wondering what just happened, and your home looking like a herd of wild animals just trampled through.

As a parent myself, I go through struggles and don’t always feel that I am doing the best job. However, parenting is a learning process and sometimes I have to remind myself that it is ok that I am struggling. It just means I am human.

It is important to follow some basic guidelines that should be universal. Hitting your kids doesn’t work for obvious reasons, but it also has the unintended impact of teaching your kids how to manage their anger. Kids are sponges. The whole “do as I say not as I do” adage is not true. Kids will ‘do as you do’ because that’s how they learn the best.

But how do you manage these roles without losing your mind?

• The first thing to do is to have some self-compassion. It is hard to manage your life with the added stress of children and school. Take care of yourself. What does this look like?  Eat, try to get sleep/rest as needed, notice your stress and utilize healthy strategies to minimize its impact on you.  This will help you be more present and compassionate towards your kids.
• Parent your child like they actually have a choice of parents and could easily find someone else to fill that role. This, by no means, is saying let them have whatever they want, but be mindful of how you are coming across and treat them with respect. Would you want to be treated the way you are treating them?  Are you being unnecessarily aggressive towards them? Do they feel safe around you? Are you providing some level of autonomy?
• It’s ok to not know everything. You could read all the books about parenting, but you will still find yourself in situations that you never anticipated.
• School is important but so is family. Finding your balance is a personal journey, but know where your priorities are and go from there. School will sometimes have to be put on the back-burner, and professors will probably not understand nor care.
• It is ok to not like your kids from time to time. They’re balls of energy that are still discovering the world, and they have little patience for most things.
• Reward effort not accomplishments. Your children will learn how keep persisting and better overcome challenges they face.
• Get support from others where you can. Friends, family, partners are a great resource and can give you a break so you can focus on school.
• If needed, seek counseling or parenting groups for additional resources and support!

One of the most important things that I have had to learn as a parent is that you will mess up from time to time. No parent is perfect and being perfect is not necessary to raise a well-adjusted child. In fact, it is a good thing to not be perfect. Your child/children can learn a lot from seeing you make mistakes and come back from them to create a better relationship.

Chris Smith, Ph.D.
UCC Therapist