How To Help a Friend Who has
been Sexually Assaulted
Sexual assault is unwanted contact or
touch of a sexual nature. Rape is forced vaginal or anal
intercourse. Rape by instrumentation is vaginal or anal
penetration with an object. Rape and sexual assault can
be committed by anyone -- a stranger, a date, an acquaintance
or even a friend. Assaults happened to both women and men.
Sexual assault and rape are violent crimes.
Neither is motivated by sex or sexual desire; rather they
are motivated by anger and aggression. Sexual assault is
not uncontrolled passion - it is a hostile attack, an attempt
to hurt, dominate and humiliate the victim.
If someone you know has been assaulted
or raped you can help them in the following ways.
IF THE ASSAULT JUST OCCURRED
- Make sure they are safe.
- Help them get the medical attention they need.
- Offer to be with them or call someone they want to
stay with them
- Offer to call the police to report the rape. Reporting
the assault does not mean you must prosecute, but it
will ensure the availability of that option in the future,
should the survivor so decide.
Offer to call for rape advocate services. This will allow
an objective, supportive person to assist her in dealing
with the immediate issues of the trauma.
AT ANY TIME - IMMEDIATELY AFTER OR MUCH LATER
- As a friend, it is important that you LISTEN
to what the survivor tells you. Sometimes assault victims
need to talk about the attack.
- Allow the survivor the freedom to choose when, where
and how to talk about the trauma.
- Be supportive: BELIEVE the survivor. People
rarely make up stories about being sexual assault survivors.
Reinforce that the survivor is not to blame. Avoid using
words that imply blame.
- Be sensitive: Let the person know that you do not
subscribe to any of the common myths about sexual assault.
Understand that the person has suffered extreme humiliation.
Let them know that you do not see them as defiled or
immoral.
- Be patient. Recovery from rape trauma is slow. Let
the person proceed at their own pace.
- Realize that you have strong feelings about the trauma.
If needed, seek counseling for yourself. Avoid communicating
your biases and negative emotions to the survivor.
- Remember that whatever the rape victim did to survive
the attack was exactly what he or she needed to do.
The victim did not cause the attack and is not at fault.
Referral Sources
There are excellent referral resources
within the Eugene area.
University Counseling Center
1280 University of Oregon
346-3227
Monday - Friday 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.
Sexual Assault Support Services
Business Line 484-9791
24 hour Crisis Lines
484-9795, 485-6700, 1-800-788-4727
Victim Services
24 hour response unit
687-4523
Crisis Center - UO
24 hour Crisis phone line
346-4488
Written by: Judith Sonnenberg, Psy.D./University
of Oregon Counseling Center
