Many university students, particularly during their first year, experience distress about being separated from family and community. “Homesickness” is a normal part of college students’ development toward adulthood. Such feelings should be acknowledged and accepted, even when uncomfortable. Lonely feelings can tell you to recognize certain needs and to figure out constructive ways to satisfy them.
While you may be tempted to “escape” by moving back home, a certain amount of enduring and working through such feelings helps you grow into maturity. For instance, while a visit home may help you feel more nurtured and connected, if you come home every weekend, then you are probably missing out on opportunities to cultivate a social life and sense of belonging at UO. Therefore, one way to help yourself is by balancing emotional support with encouragement to develop your life in Eugene. No matter how isolated you feel, loneliness will lessen or disappear if you actively seek out opportunities to make new friends and develop and express your interests.
Following are things that you might do to feel more connected to the university community and less dependent on home.
Make New Friends: Be with people. Even if you don’t have a close relationship or friendship at this time, you still need other people in your life. Consider the following:
- Eat your meals or go to movies with others.
- Remember, it’s normal to feel shy when meeting new people, but with practice you will be more relaxed. What do you have to lose by trying?
- Remember that lasting friendships develop gradually. There’s no pressure to make a best friend or to rush into intimacies;
Enjoy Your Time Alone: Whether or not you have friends around, you can still enjoy many activities. Make a list of things you’d really like to do, such as:
- Physical exercise, basketball, jogging, yoga, or aerobic dance.
- Keep things in your environment that you can enjoy alone (such as books, puzzles, arts and crafts, or music)
- Start a personal journal. Or keep a scrapbook of poems, advice, letters, photos that are comforting and meaningful to you.
- Do something you’ve wanted to do, like going to a concert or art museum, seeing a movie, exploring Eugene, hiking the Butte.
- Listen to your favorite music on the stereo, dance to it, learn to play a musical instrument.
- Help someone else. Do volunteer work, help friends, groom your pet. Focus on loving rather than on being loved.
Keep a Positive Attitude: We tend to confuse being alone with being lonely. Our usual attitude is that loneliness is miserable and something to be desperately avoided. Here are some creative attitudes to consider:
- Being alone gives you time to discover new things about yourself and become a stronger person.
- Many sources of interest and pleasure exist besides other people and romantic love.
- There are advantages to not being in a relationship.
Try Creative Self-Talk: What we think or tell ourselves (self-talk) influences what we feel. Here are some beneficial things to tell yourself when you feel homesick.
- Just because I’m alone now doesn’t mean I’ll always be alone.
- Although I’d rather be with my friends/family at home tonight, being here in Eugene is okay.
- Being lonely doesn’t mean something is wrong with me. I can calmly experience loneliness and learn to grow creatively from the time with myself.
- Everybody — even the most popular students — get lonely at times.
- I don’t like being rejected, but I won’t be destroyed by it.
- Other people do care about me. (list them in your mind)
- I care about myself. I am here with myself, which is pretty good company, some of the best, in fact!
Take Advantage of Campus Life: For students living in the residence halls, the first resource should probably be to check in with their Resident Assistant but there are also many opportunities to get involved on campus:
Finally,.......... it is okay to go home occasionally to get emotionally recharged!