Being in a healthy relationships means…
1. Respecting individuality, embracing differences, and allowing each person to “be themselves”
2. Discussing things, allowing for differences of opinion, and compromising equally.
3. Expressing and listening to each other’s feelings, needs, and desires.
4. Trusting and being honest with yourself and each other.
5. Resolving conflicts in a rational, peaceful, and mutually agreed upon way.
Other Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
· Each person has individual rights
· Open communication
· Trust
· Mutual respect for opinions
· Equality in decision making
· Shared respect for each other’s values
· Respect for each person’s sexual boundaries
· Willingness to honestly discuss problems
· Willingness to tell your partner what you need or want
· Honesty
· Always using a nonviolent approach to resolving conflict
· Understanding that conflict and anger are okay
· Taking responsibility for yourself
· Accepting the fact that everyone makes mistakes
· Owning your own mistakes
· Commitment
· Joy and playfulness
Direct, kind, and clear communication is the most effective way to communicate with your partner. We can minimize conflict by learning to express our needs, wants, hopes, and desires clearly and caringly. We can also listen to other people and hear what they have to say. Respecting them as well as ourselves is part of this process.
Examples:
- “I want this, but what do you want?”
- “How can we work this out?”
- “I care about what you need. I want to solve this.”
Results:
- You often get your needs met.
- You build and maintain the relationship.
- Your partner respects you.
- You work towards peace in the relationship.
Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
A climate of negativity within the relationship; a disproportionate number of negative comments about each other vs. positive comments about the relationship. E.g. “we never have any fun,” vs. “we laugh a lot.” Constant negativity can be emotionally draining.
Allowing hurtful behavior from one another. A high tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship may lead to trouble down the road.
Conflict escalates from the get-go with one partner making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone. Blaming and exploding cause more harm than good… as can avoiding or burying the conflict. E.g. “give it to me now…,” or “I don’t care, it doesn’t matter to me…”
Seek help early. If you and your partner are experiencing problems in your relationship, consider seeking help from others instead of living with the unhappiness for too long. The UCTC offers both individual and couples counseling, and often has groups running that focus on establishing healthy relationships.
Resources:
Advocates for Youth:
http://www.advoctesforyouth.org/youth/health/relationships/healthy.htm
“Young Men’s Work” (1995) by Allan Creighton & Paul Kivel.
The Gottman Institute: http://www.gottman.com/marriage/self_help/
Being in a healthy relationships means…
1. Respecting individuality, embracing differences, and allowing each person to “be themselves”
2. Discussing things, allowing for differences of opinion, and compromising equally.
3. Expressing and listening to each other’s feelings, needs, and desires.
4. Trusting and being honest with yourself and each other.
5. Resolving conflicts in a rational, peaceful, and mutually agreed upon way.
Other Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship
· Each person has individual rights
· Open communication
· Trust
· Mutual respect for opinions
· Equality in decision making
· Shared respect for each other’s values
· Respect for each person’s sexual boundaries
· Willingness to honestly discuss problems
· Willingness to tell your partner what you need or want
· Honesty
· Always using a nonviolent approach to resolving conflict
· Understanding that conflict and anger are okay
· Taking responsibility for yourself
· Accepting the fact that everyone makes mistakes
· Owning your own mistakes
· Commitment
· Joy and playfulness
Direct, kind, and clear communication is the most effective way to communicate with your partner. We can minimize conflict by learning to express our needs, wants, hopes, and desires clearly and caringly. We can also listen to other people and hear what they have to say. Respecting them as well as ourselves is part of this process.
Examples:
- “I want this, but what do you want?”
- “How can we work this out?”
- “I care about what you need. I want to solve this.”
Results:
- You often get your needs met.
- You build and maintain the relationship.
- Your partner respects you.
- You work towards peace in the relationship.
Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
A climate of negativity within the relationship; a disproportionate number of negative comments about each other vs. positive comments about the relationship. E.g. “we never have any fun,” vs. “we laugh a lot.” Constant negativity can be emotionally draining.
Allowing hurtful behavior from one another. A high tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship may lead to trouble down the road.
Conflict escalates from the get-go with one partner making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone. Blaming and exploding cause more harm than good… as can avoiding or burying the conflict. E.g. “give it to me now…,” or “I don’t care, it doesn’t matter to me…”
Seek help early. If you and your partner are experiencing problems in your relationship, consider seeking help from others instead of living with the unhappiness for too long. The UCTC offers both individual and couples counseling, and often has groups running that focus on establishing healthy relationships.
Resources:
Advocates for Youth:
http://www.advoctesforyouth.org/youth/health/relationships/healthy.htm
“Young Men’s Work” (1995) by Allan Creighton & Paul Kivel.
The Gottman Institute: http://www.gottman.com/marriage/self_help/