(Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi, 1983.)

Hard to believe, but by the time you read this your young Jedi (aka son or daughter) will have completed the 07-08 academic year at the UO. And, it’s likely they’ll have returned home with several new truths that they cling to.

Parents should be prepared for signs of growth when students return home for the summer (some minor, perhaps some major). They may have changed the way they think or the way they look. Some may have explored multiple majors and/or rejected their original career goals. Some students might bring home new philosophies, new political views, or even new eating habits. It’s important to remember that these new truths they cling to are reflections of their own evolving points of view. It may be helpful to try to understand how the past year has affected who they are today. 

Students may be wrestling with new issues and concerns, explicitly, implicitly or both. The path toward adulthood is paved with self-examination. Some common student questions and concerns include:

• Who am I? What do I want out of this experience? During early college years, anticipate more personal emphasis on weaknesses rather than strengths.
• Who am I hanging out with?  What sort of lifestyle do I want? Students may be experimenting with relationships that include different types of people and exploring new communities. They often are redefining relationships with parents and family as they move toward further autonomy.
• What am I studying? What am I going to do with the rest of my life? Self-confidence and comfort may be low initially. Anticipate uncertainty about choice of major or future job/career.
• What are my goals for next year? Students may be seeking new experiences and opportunities, while balancing the pressure to live up to expectations of parents, family, peers or faculty. Some students may be taking stock of ways that their first year goals, academic or social, were not reached.
• How will I pay for school? If your student will live off campus, this may bring new financial obligations related to food, rent, transportation, bills.

Whether your student is transitioning from their first to their second year at the UO, or is entering their final year of college and beginning to look beyond graduation, the summer can often be an important marker of the change and growth your student is experiencing at the UO. During the long summer break, you and your student may become especially aware that they are not the same person who left for college last fall. 

7 Yoda-like Strategies for the Summer

These may be things you are already doing.  If so, then this can be a reminder.

1. Listen instead of judging (or offering unsolicited advice). Compassion and genuine interest can be an antidote to judging. 
2. Begin where they are, not where you want them to be. Learn what they have gone through to get through this past year using open ended questions and observation.
3. Be curious and open to what your student is trying to say. The focus should be on re-establishing and maintaining your relationship, not just finding solutions.
4. Start summer break on the right foot by having a conversation about expectations. Listen to your student’s perspective as you come to a mutual understanding about how the summer will go.
5. Take responsibility for your part in any conflict or misunderstanding that may arise. Try to replace adversarial or defensive statements with mindful responses that encourage exploration and mutual understanding. 
6. Try to understand how their past year(s) in college affects who they are and how those experiences affect their relationship with you. Try to understand the context of their college experiences and the effect it has on their new truths.
7. Your student has been living on their own for many months now, so it is important to acknowledge their ability to make good decisions even while reminding them of important household rules.

Yes, this summer may have some interesting challenges in store for both parents and students. Each student is unique and each student transition is different. However, knowing some of the feelings, experiences, challenges and rewards your student may be experiencing as they transition from one year to the next and armed with some Yoda-inspired suggestions … you’ll weather and hopefully welcome the changing relationships with your students as you continue to play an important role in their lives. 

Chris Ruiz de Esparza, M.A., is a senior staff therapist.

Yoda: No more training do you require. Already know you, that which you need.
Luke: Then I am a Jedi.
Yoda: No. Not yet…

(Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi, 1983.)

(Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi, 1983.)

Hard to believe, but by the time you read this your young Jedi (aka son or daughter) will have completed the 07-08 academic year at the UO. And, it’s likely they’ll have returned home with several new truths that they cling to.

Parents should be prepared for signs of growth when students return home for the summer (some minor, perhaps some major). They may have changed the way they think or the way they look. Some may have explored multiple majors and/or rejected their original career goals. Some students might bring home new philosophies, new political views, or even new eating habits. It’s important to remember that these new truths they cling to are reflections of their own evolving points of view. It may be helpful to try to understand how the past year has affected who they are today. 

Students may be wrestling with new issues and concerns, explicitly, implicitly or both. The path toward adulthood is paved with self-examination. Some common student questions and concerns include:

• Who am I? What do I want out of this experience? During early college years, anticipate more personal emphasis on weaknesses rather than strengths.
• Who am I hanging out with?  What sort of lifestyle do I want? Students may be experimenting with relationships that include different types of people and exploring new communities. They often are redefining relationships with parents and family as they move toward further autonomy.
• What am I studying? What am I going to do with the rest of my life? Self-confidence and comfort may be low initially. Anticipate uncertainty about choice of major or future job/career.
• What are my goals for next year? Students may be seeking new experiences and opportunities, while balancing the pressure to live up to expectations of parents, family, peers or faculty. Some students may be taking stock of ways that their first year goals, academic or social, were not reached.
• How will I pay for school? If your student will live off campus, this may bring new financial obligations related to food, rent, transportation, bills.

Whether your student is transitioning from their first to their second year at the UO, or is entering their final year of college and beginning to look beyond graduation, the summer can often be an important marker of the change and growth your student is experiencing at the UO. During the long summer break, you and your student may become especially aware that they are not the same person who left for college last fall. 

7 Yoda-like Strategies for the Summer

These may be things you are already doing.  If so, then this can be a reminder.

1. Listen instead of judging (or offering unsolicited advice). Compassion and genuine interest can be an antidote to judging. 
2. Begin where they are, not where you want them to be. Learn what they have gone through to get through this past year using open ended questions and observation.
3. Be curious and open to what your student is trying to say. The focus should be on re-establishing and maintaining your relationship, not just finding solutions.
4. Start summer break on the right foot by having a conversation about expectations. Listen to your student’s perspective as you come to a mutual understanding about how the summer will go.
5. Take responsibility for your part in any conflict or misunderstanding that may arise. Try to replace adversarial or defensive statements with mindful responses that encourage exploration and mutual understanding. 
6. Try to understand how their past year(s) in college affects who they are and how those experiences affect their relationship with you. Try to understand the context of their college experiences and the effect it has on their new truths.
7. Your student has been living on their own for many months now, so it is important to acknowledge their ability to make good decisions even while reminding them of important household rules.

Yes, this summer may have some interesting challenges in store for both parents and students. Each student is unique and each student transition is different. However, knowing some of the feelings, experiences, challenges and rewards your student may be experiencing as they transition from one year to the next and armed with some Yoda-inspired suggestions … you’ll weather and hopefully welcome the changing relationships with your students as you continue to play an important role in their lives. 

Chris Ruiz de Esparza, M.A., is a senior staff therapist.

Yoda: No more training do you require. Already know you, that which you need.
Luke: Then I am a Jedi.
Yoda: No. Not yet…

(Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi, 1983.)